BMP: Chapter 13

Chapter 13

“When you love something, you find it beautiful, right?”

POV: James Bret Nikolai Ravn Østergaard

Every night I’ve been putting Olivia to sleep, ever since we started dating. We would talk about how the previous day went, our future, and our plans. But lately, since we arrived at the Palace, all she does is cry, and I always end up comforting her. She has all these doubts about herself, and no matter how I tell her to be strong, she just breaks down and cry. I start to wonder where the Olivia I talked to at Thorssen Garden went, the girl who told me she’ll stay even if she’s suffering. But maybe that’s the point. She’s suffering, but she is with me. I am starting to feel guilty now, not because the place I grew up in has been causing her pain, but because I haven’t done anything to get her out of here. And quite frankly, the more I stay, the more I want to stay.

Maybe she’ll get used to it, maybe someday she’ll stop crying, I keep on telling myself.

Finally, she went to sleep, so I quietly walked my way out of the room.

Before dinner, I had instructed Gerardo to make sure he leaves the present I’ve prepared for Candice in her room, so she sees it when she comes back.

I wonder if she received it. I wonder if she’s reading it. I wonder what she thinks. I wonder if I can talk to her.

I made my way from Olivia’s room to Candice’s, which isn’t too far from each other, since they are both located at the same Assembly anyway.

The room was quiet from the outside, and I’ve thought of knocking. But in my head I thought of what I should say, and how I should say it.

Did you see the gift?

Did you like it?

But I turned away, turning my thoughts off. I was about to leave, when the door opened.

Holy, I mouthed. It’s a good thing she was facing my back, so she didn’t see my face.

“Prince?” She called.

I turned around, and suddenly saw the same girl I first saw walking along the halls of Lorentzen Assembly.

My mind wandered on the memory,

I walked in Lorentzen’s main door and climbed the staircase leading to the second floor of the Assembly when I caught an image of a girl from afar, watching me stride the hall towards her direction. She looked very young, perhaps twenty of age or less, with jet black hair, and round expressive eyes. She was wearing something casual, but something very sophisticated as well. White shorts looped a black belt, black long sleeve coat over a white sheer blouse. We caught eyes for a split second, before I went past her. As we crossed paths, she lowered her head, perhaps a bow.

I can’t describe it, for I can’t find a specific word to explain it. For that split second felt like minutes have gone by, going in slow motion.

It’s happening again, everything in slow motion, even her words when she spoke, “Were you about to knock, Prince?”

I was awakened, slightly embarrassed. She looked pretty intrigued.

“No,” I made a hand gesture in the air, “I was just passing by.”

Fool, I cursed on my thoughts, Passing by to a dead end of the hallway?

She was nodding, but I doubt if she believed me.

Did you see the gift?

Did you like it?

I shook my head, eager to stop the questions that are clouding my head.

She was looking directly in my eyes, her pupils magnifying.

What is happening? I irritably asked myself.

“Prince?” she called, snapping off my thoughts.

I gulped, “Yes?”

“Are you about to inquire for something?”

I need to stop looking at her, I ordered myself.

I turned away instantly but realized it would seem rather rude to just run away, so I stopped halfway.

“Are you heading somewhere?” I asked, trying to hide my embarrassment.

“Just for a walk,” she replied.

Why can’t I speak like her? Simple. Straight. Not what I’m doing right now.

“Me too!” I hollered, sounding like an overexcited child.

Screw my thoughts!

“I mean,” I said, calming down, “Want to… uh, do it together?”

Her forehead wrinkled.

“Well, of course, Prince,” she said.

***

The walk was an actual walk. We just walked. She didn’t speak, though she maintained a calm expression, walking alongside me. The night was quiet, too quiet even, that my thoughts won’t leave me alone.

Finally, we reached the back of Lautsen Assembly. The Garden was decorated with colorful flowers, highlighting the dimness of the area. There was a bench fixated across the pond, and Candice seems to be heading there.

She sat then, and waited for me to sit as well, before she spoke, “Thank you for the gift.”

I inhaled in relief. So, she did receive it.

“I didn’t realize it was a series,” she added.

“Yes, well… Did you like it?” I asked.

“Too early to tell.”

“Have you started reading it?”

“Half of Twilight, yes,” she said.

“What do you think so far?”

She took a few moments of silence before she replied, facing me, “It’s… different.”

“Different is good,” I said, grinning.

And she smiled. I haven’t really given much thought about it before, but I realized it now as she smile in front of me, that she has one dimple on her left cheek.

I can’t stop from grinning upon realizing so.

“How was the meeting?” she inquired.

I laughed at the memory, “Terrible. It was the most terrible of terrible.”

“What happened?”

So I told her the story. I told her they were debating about same sex marriage and about the time when I was asked to give my comment. I told her about my speechlessness when my statement was countered.

“I told you!” I said to her, who was unusually quiet.

Was she disappointed too?

She smiled.

“And what would you have done so?” I challenged her.

She was silent, just staring at me.

“Well?”

“Well…” she said, “I’m not the Crown Prince to answer that question. You are.”

You are. That struck me the most. There was something different by how she said it, that it somehow contained a disguised meaning.

“But if you are the Crown Prince, how would you have responded?”

“Then I’d give them the Bible scripture they asked for.”

Right. Of course. That was how I would have done it too if I knew a verse to throw back. My mind was blank then. That was the problem.

“What exactly would you say?” I pushed.

“Leviticus 18:22 of the Old Testament,” she began, looking at me as if asking for permission to go on, “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”

“Hmm…”

“1 Corinthians 6:9-10,” she paused, “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Ok, wow!

I thought about it for a while, and imagined myself saying the same at the meeting. I wonder how they would have replied.

I laughed at how amusing it would have been.

“You know,” I turned to her, “You always seem to amuse me with your words. For a just twenty years old, you do seem to know a lot.”

“Books,” she suggested.

“But have you ever thought, that maybe the Liberals have a point?” she said, suddenly becoming serious.

“Hmm…Maybe. Are you a pro then?”

“It doesn’t matter. My opinion doesn’t carry weight. Only yours. No matter what you believe, you have to be able to defend it.”

I somehow felt sad for Candice. She is a bright girl, who knows a lot more than I do. Her knowledge shouldn’t be of waste.

“Hey!” I called her attention. “Maybe you can come with me the next time. I’d like to see if you don’t lose it like I did when faced by hundreds of wolves.” I laughed, so she knows that the last statement was a joke.

“That’s impossible!” she said.

“Maybe I can ask the Queen…” I pondered more on the thought.

She didn’t react more on the topic.

“Happy Birthday,” I greeted her once more to lighten the mood. I didn’t want to end the conversation. I wasn’t sure she saw me mouth the words at the dinner table, for then, she turned away.

She smiled, keeping her gaze down. “Thank you, Prince,” she said.

“No,” I desperately tried getting back to the previous topic before I suggested her to attend the meeting with me, “But really, you’re one interesting girl, Candice. You make me feel like there are so many things I have yet to know. You actually make the Palace less lonely.”

I didn’t intend to flatter her, but only to tell the truth. If the truth is flattering, then I’m glad all together. But she looked shy.

“Do you mean Olivia, Prince?” she confirmed, “Olivia makes the Palace less lonely.”

I was surprised to hear her response. And it suddenly made me think.

Olivia makes the Palace less lonely.

I repeated it in my head, but it doesn’t seem to weigh in.

In the end, I only smiled at Candice, waiting for my reply.

I changed the topic.

“My brother seems to really like you,” I noted.

She chuckled.

“He asked me to help you prepare,” I said, “He told me you are going to play him the piano on his birthday?”

“Technically, I didn’t say yes to that.”

I shifted my weight, this time I’m seated angled to her, “So you said no?”

“Not either.”

“Then have you thought of an alternative gift?”

“Nope,” she said, staring at a distance.

“Why don’t you just play the piano then,” I suggested, “Let me help you.”

She stared at me then, burning me with her dark eyes that shimmer in the dimness of the garden.

“He approached me a while ago,” I confessed, “And asked if I can play with you. You can play the piano, and I’ll play the violin. It’ll sound great!”

She was silent.

“Unless of course you don’t want me to teach you…” My voice trailed off.

“I’d like to learn,” she said, reviving from her silence.

“Then it’s settled!” I said, “Let’s begin rehearsals tomorrow, after dinner.”

***

We’ve been seated in silence longer than I hoped. And I wanted to open another topic, but she was leaning on the backrest of the bench, seeming preoccupied gazing at the night sky.

I followed the direction of her gaze. New moon perched high, surrounded by thousand of twinkling stars.

“Do you know,” she spoke, “That when people said there is nothing permanent in this world, but change, they were lying?”

She broke her gaze, and I looked at her, her eyes suddenly filled with uncovered sorrow.

“Back at my Father’s estate, I have this little balcony in my room, and every night I go there, look up,” she then looked up at the sky, as if demonstrating, “And would watch the night sky, both holding darkness and brightness at the same time. During those times, I feel like home.

“When I first went to the Palace, I miss home so terribly that I cannot sleep, so I walk around at night –

I cut her off to comment, “Yeah, that part I know,” I said, laughing at the same time.

When I notice her not laughing, I pretended to look serious, and listened as she continued speaking.

“I would look up then and see the same sky. The sky never change, Prince. The sky from my balcony, from here, from London to Paris, is one and the same. Upon realizing that, I didn’t feel so alone.”

“You seem to admire contrasting things,” I remarked, “Sad and beautiful. Dark and Brightness.”

“Because I can have both,” she said, looking directly at me.

“Because in real life, Prince…” she added, “One can never have both. That’s why I find the combination of those, beautiful.”

“Beautiful,” I repeated.

Admittedly, the word beautiful has become a mystery to me since my last conversation with Princess Veronika, when she spoke,

“Do you know why I find those moments I’ve mentioned, beautiful?”

She said, “Because I was with people that I love.”

“Beautiful, yes,” she spoke, “Because I love the way that they are able to exist at once, without spoiling the other.”

She turned to me, “When you love something, you find it beautiful, right?”

When you love something, you find it beautiful, I realized.

I suddenly lost my energy, like a blackout has occurred from inside me.

That night, I realized why I noted that the night was too quiet before, that my thoughts won’t leave me alone. I realized it wasn’t my thoughts. It was my heart.

I stood up then, and without thinking, left Candice alone, seated on the bench, probably confused, and angry at the same time.

Maybe she’ll like that one too, confused and angry, I thought.

I shook my head repeatedly, as I made my way back to my room, the Crown Prince’s room, my parents’ once and now mine.

All the guards I pass by probably thought I had gone swimming and had water stuck in my ear. And all I was doing was trying to shake it off.

While they don’t know, is the only thing I’m trying to shake off is my thoughts.

I find it kind of silly, for whatever reason, that the Palace seems beautiful today, I remember saying before. For ever since my return I have been with everyone, with Olivia, but today is just… different. When I left the Palace, I knew exactly why. I remember why. But now here I am, for the first time, delighted to be back. I find myself excited every morning.

Perhaps you would want to rewind since, Aunt said.

You actually make the Palace less lonely, I remember saying to Candice earlier.

I gasped.

Because I was with people that I love, Aunt said.

When you love something, you find it beautiful, right? Candice said.

Perhaps you are looking at the wrong person you truly love, Aunt said.

I stopped walking for a second, and paced back and forth. I don’t even know where I am, for it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Because all that matters is that I am in love with Candice.